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Ashley Madison – A Time For Some Difficult Family Conversations
Aug 21st, 2015 by Families First Mediation

“I think it’s time to bring the personal family issues of the leaked Ashley Madison users back into the private world. No media, no courts, just families having these difficult conversations in a safe environment.”

Everyone feels they have a right to judge, not sure why but they do. The focus right now should be on minimizing risk to the families involved. Not just debating the legal and moral positions of the site and hackers.

Am I condoning cheating? No

Am I condoning the hackers blackmailing, bullying and sharing private information? No

Do I think people are seeing the families behind those leaked names? No

Ok, so we all know what Ashley Madison represents – feel free to think what you want about the people that join and pay for a membership.  I can tell you though as a Family Mediator that we have no idea what goes on in other people’s homes and/or in other people’s relationships. And really, why should we?

Perhaps these members have an open relationship. Perhaps they are separated and living together for convenience. Perhaps it was a joke or a joint effort by a couple to see what the site was all about. Perhaps it was cheating, pure and simple.

The hack does not end with user names being released, that is just the beginning. I’m concerned about the family fallout. What is going to happen with those couples and families now? Some very difficult conversations for sure. Those conversations may bring about some ugly truths, mistrust and some very real changes in their lives. These people can be mothers, fathers, children or grandparents and all of their extended family will now be involved in their personal lives, and let’s be clear, it is their personal lives.

I think it’s time to bring their personal family issues back into the private world. No media, no courts, just families having these conversations in a safe environment.

As a private and confidential process, maybe it’s time for the mediation process to shine. An opportunity for these families to have difficult conversations and for us as mediators to help them find a way to move forward.

Julie Gill Q.Med, CDFA

Owner & Principal Mediator

Families First Mediation

 

Difficult Conversations – Getting The Death You Want
May 26th, 2014 by Families First Mediation

Mediation and having difficult conversations about death are probably not things that you think belong together, but they do.

Have you told your loved ones what your end of life decisions are? As a society it’s something that we don’t like to talk about.

I don’t know if it’s because I am completing my certification in Elder Mediation or because aging is a popular topic right now but it seems that there are very good attempts at creating awareness and starting conversations about this in the media. Not the negative stories that everyone hears about but some positive and honest discussions about the issues.

The Toronto Star is running a week long series aimed at doing just that. Today’s article is about Getting The Death You Want. Sounds ominous doesn’t it? They quote the following statistic “only 45 per cent of Canadians have talked about their end-of-life wishes.” Why aren’t all families having this conversation? It is 100% going to happen to each of us.

Yes it’s true as the article points out that the 3 main reasons people don’t talk about their wishes for their death are 1) Fear of death 2) Not wanting to upset family and 3) it’s just plain uncomfortable. What the article doesn’t mention are solutions. It’s a great starting point but how does this article translate into action? People understand why they aren’t having these discussions, how can we help them to have them? Elder Mediation is how. Elder Mediators are trained to help ensure that the focus is on the person in need while allowing all family members/friends/caregivers(anyone that the person would like to participate) to have a voice, get informed and help make decisions.

The Elder Mediation process makes the discussion a little more neutral. We help facilitate the conversation and take some of the burden of having the conversation away from the family.

These conversations do need to happen, why not get a little help?

Julie Gill Q.Med, CDFA

Families First Mediation

Owner and Principal Mediator

 

By:  Health Reporter, Published on Mon May 26 2014

Toronto Star Read the full article here

 

 

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